In an earlier post I talked about the importance of listening and how a few changes in your behaviors can make you a more empathic listener. Although it may seem counterintuitive, looking inward and being more self-aware during your interactions will actually help you become a better listener. In his book, "Thinking, Fast and Slow", Daniel Kahneman describes two brain types, System 1 (fast, automatic) and System 2 (slow, controlled) thinking. System 1 is responsible for quick, action thinking, while System 2 is much more deliberate.
This seems similar to the research that Art Markman cites from social psychologist Arie Kruglanski. Markman, in his recent FastCo post, "How One Simple Change Can Make You a Better Listener", talks about a "doing mindset" and a "thinking mindset". Our challenge in becoming a more empathic listener is to resist our "doing mindset" or System 1 thinking and instead focus more on System 2 or "thinking mindset". Ever have the uncontrollable urge to interrupt someone mid-sentence? That is your System 1 doing what it does best, taking action. Learn to recognize this trigger, hold back your interruption, and redouble your efforts to make sure that you can successfully sum up the other person's main points before jumping into action. Dr. Markman offers this analogy, "Taking the thinking perspective is the conversational equivalent of the carpenter’s saying, "Measure twice, cut once.” Slowing down will likely help you avoid missing the other person's intent. Additionally, your thoughtful listening and measured response will provide a good foundation for listening reciprocation during delivery of your message.
But how can you recognize these habits and curtail them? One technique involves facial and body gestures. Generally, these involuntary facial and body expressions are used by observers to distinguish our true feelings from our words, but if you can be in-tune with your own nonverbal cues you have another tool to use towards epathic listening. According to Joe Navarro, a 25 year veteran of the FBI and author of "What Every Body is Saying", facial gestures like rolling of the eyes, eyelid flutter, pursed lips, or squinting of the eyes is a likely indication of dislike or disagreement. Another good indicator is tension in your body or hunching of your shoulders. If you are engaged in a conversation and begin noticing any of these behaviors, then this is a good cue that your System 1 is already making a decision and plotting your automatic response.
You Are a Terrible Listener
http://mondaymover.blogspot.com/2015/02/you-are-terrible-listener.html
How One Simple Change Can Make You a Better Listener
http://www.fastcompany.com/3042330/how-to-be-a-success-at-everything/how-one-simple-change-can-make-you-a-better-listener
Body Language vs. Micro-Expressions
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/spycatcher/201112/body-language-vs-micro-expressions/
Biases, I've Got a Few
http://mondaymover.blogspot.com/2015/01/biases-i-got-few-wysiati-and-action-bias.html
No comments:
Post a Comment