Measure Twice, Cut Once

Many times measuring the wrong thing can be more harmful than not measuring at all.  Whether it is personal health goals or goals to grow your business, be sure that what you are measuring actually drives you to make behavioral changes towards your desired outcome, and not away from it.  The wrong measurement could skew your course and lead you to a dead end full of metrics, but with no clear action for correction.

Think through what-if scenarios when setting your metrics.  What's your reaction when your page views are flat?  Do you change direction for future content immediately and declare your strategy a failure?  What do you think constant strategy changes will do to your motivation?  How will the measurement help you understand what changes to make?  Are the outcomes cause and effect or poorly correlated?

Yes, you can over think this, but don't let your brain's System 1 desire to solve your problem be the sole arbiter of what to measure.  Often we chose measurements based on what we think is a typical metric and fail to consider the impact and next step reaction to it.  How many times have you heard to not judge your health by the numbers on a scale?  When you began that exercise program you could not walk a flight of stairs without getting winded, but now your covering three miles a day!

Your metrics should influence your behavior, but plan your reactions.  Understand your bias towards action and use this to drive to success.

Two Introverts Walk into a Bar

Are you uncomfortable in situations where you are meeting someone for the first time and feel at a loss for how to keep the flow of conversation moving?  You may intuitively be good at small-talk, but when asked to share your secret you might be at a loss to explain your superpower to marveling friends.  Anett Grant, president and founder of Executive Speaking, Inc., to the rescue.  She offers a simple 3 step formula for conquering small-talk: match, shift, and pass back.

Grant demonstrates her match, shift, and pass back formula through a conversation between two people discussing their weekend plans.  In Grant's technique, the first step is to match your response to something the other person says.  A typical opening question might be,  "Do you have any fun weekend plans?" In Grant's example, the person's response is, "Yes, actually I'm going skiing with some friends", and your match response might be, "Oh, cool! I've thought about giving skiing a try a few times, but I've never gone through with it."  Of course, if you're an avid snow bunny then you have a perfect jumping off point to trade tales from the slopes.  In the match step, you don't have to share a common interest, but you do need to show interest.  Just like good listening skills, demonstrating you heard the speaker by paraphrasing or restating their comment builds a rapport and sets you up for the next of Grant's steps.

Step two in the formula is to shift the topic, either in an attempt to find a new topic of common interest or to shift to a specific event or particular aspect of the topic.  In Grant's skiing example, you might try to shift to an activity of interest that shares a relationship to the first, like another outdoor, physical activity such as hiking.  She suggests you might say, "I'm generally not much of a cold weather person, but I do like doing outdoor activities in the summertime--especially hiking.”

Of course, people like to talk about themselves, and asking a follow-up question becomes the pass back that allows the other person to respond by disclosing more information.  Grant's example uses the pass back question of "Do you like to hike?", but you could also use the opportunity to get the other person talking more about themselves by asking an open-ended question.  For example, you might seek to understand if skiing is an avid hobby or if this is the person's first time out.  An open-ended question not only passes back conversational control to the other person, but can lead to deeper engagement with surprising results.

Grant's match, shift, and pass back formula is simple in its design, but powerful in its execution.  It's worth repeating two key elements that can add dynamite to your dialog.  First, try using non-leading, open-ended questions.  Instead of questions with simple, one word answers or questions in which the answer comes almost without thinking, try questions that elicit thoughtful and unprepared responses.  It's a conversational trick used by psychologists and therapists in counseling sessions to get their clients more fully engaged in conversation without making it feel like an interrogation.  Second, and the single most important thing to remember, is to approach your interactions with a sincere desire to get to know the other person.  Rather than focusing on yourself, invoke your natural sense of curiosity to learn something new.  In the end, that something new might even be something about yourself.


"3 Steps Anyone Can Take to Master Small Talk" by Anett Grant
http://www.fastcompany.com/3043228/work-smart/3-steps-anyone-can-take-to-master-small-talk

Elephant, It's What's for Dinner

You've probably heard the saying that you "don't need to eat the elephant all in one bite" in the context of breaking down larger tasks into smaller ones, but there are a couple of techniques that you can use to improve your productivity no matter what the task.  Start by focusing on what's important.  You want to be sure that the work you are choosing to do has meaning, and you understand why it's important to you.  The importance doesn't always have to be life changing, but knowing that you are choosing to do this task instead of any other saves your brain having to fight the cognitive dissonance battle.

This next part is critical.  Stop multitasking and turn off all of the external multitasking enablers, like Outlook toast (those pop-up messages that appear every time you get a new email) and calendar reminders.  Put your phone and IM status on Do Not Disturb.  You need to create as much of a distraction free environment as possible.  The key here is to prepare your mind and put it at ease.  With notifications muted, your brain can move from a multitasking, high-alert status to one of flow.

Once you've settled on the importance of the task and removed distractions, it's time to implement a planned working duration.  In a typical Pomodoro Technique, the duration is usually 25 minutes with a 5 minute break, but it can vary.  Time Management Ninja, Craig Jarrow, recommends breaking up large tasks into 10 minute sessions.  In fact, 10 minutes is probably a perfect place for you to start even in Pomodoro.  Be sure to set an alarm and make it the only reminder that will disturb your work.  After just a couple of days of working in these ten minute sessions, you will find that you can purposely extend intervals by 5 minutes more until you can comfortably and successfully work for 45-60 minutes.

Throughout your intervals, you absolutely must take breaks in between sessions.  Again, the Pomodoro Technique recommends 5 minute breaks.  However, you are going to be working to stretch from 25 minutes to 60 minutes, so taking a 15 minute break between sessions will ultimately prove the most beneficial.  It sounds counter-intuitive to only work for 10 minutes and then to take a 15 minute break, but over time this investment will pay its dividends in higher productivity and greater concentration.  Alternatively, Scott Tousley, in his post, "The Unusual Concentration Technique That Transformed How I Worked", recommends working in 90 minute sessions, with 30 minutes breaks between intervals.

One more thing...do something physical during your breaks.  If you aren't using a standing desk (and why aren't you?), get up, walk around, and stretch your legs.  Studies have shown the benefits of exercise and its positive effects on cognition, including actually increasing size of the brain's hippocampus, so turn your work breaks into life-long brain enhancements!


Further Reading:

"The Unusual Concentration Technique That Transformed How I Worked" by Scott Tousley

http://www.getsidekick.com/blog/ultradian-rhythm-pomodoro-technique

Wikipedia:  Pomodoro Technique
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pomodoro_Technique

"How to Eat an Elephant in 10 Minutes" by Craig Jarrow
http://timemanagementninja.com/2011/01/how-to-eat-an-elephant-in-10-minutes/

"The Positive Psychology of Flow" by Patty O'Grady
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/positive-psychology-in-the-classroom/201310/the-positive-psychology-flow

"Taking a Walk Can Make Your Brain Grow"
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2561708/Taking-walk-makes-brain-grow-Energetic-stroll-three-times-week-increase-size-organs-memory-hub.html

The Road Less Traveled

Seth Godin recently wrote about variance versus deviance, and the mental choice we make to distinguish the two in any given instance.  It's a perspective you choose to take to define what's expected or normal.  Are songs that don't hit the top twenty deviants or rather simply not a reflection of the masses' taste in music?  Is Henry Ford's quip that you can have a car any color you want as long as it's black still the norm or has customization proven variation offers opportunity?

The long-tail exists outside of products, too, and you can choose to embrace variation or suffer frustration as entropy unfolds in the actions of employees (or bosses), colleagues, and customers.  What's more, as Seth Godin puts it, "when you expect (or demand) that people don't deviate, you're robbing them of their dignity and setting yourself up to be disappointed."  It turns out that there are indeed more roads less travelled and each can lead to success.

Seth Godin's Blogs

http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2015/02/variance-or-deviance.html

#mondaymover

You're Still a Terrible Listener and It's Written All Over Your Face

In an earlier post I talked about the importance of listening and how a few changes in your behaviors can make you a more empathic listener.  Although it may seem counterintuitive, looking inward and being more self-aware during your interactions will actually help you become a better listener.  In his book, "Thinking, Fast and Slow", Daniel Kahneman describes two brain types, System 1 (fast, automatic) and System 2 (slow, controlled) thinking.  System 1 is responsible for quick, action thinking, while System 2 is much more deliberate.  

This seems similar to the research that Art Markman cites from social psychologist Arie Kruglanski.  Markman, in his recent FastCo post, "How One Simple Change Can Make You a Better Listener", talks about a "doing mindset" and a "thinking mindset".  Our challenge in becoming a more empathic listener is to resist our "doing mindset" or System 1 thinking and instead focus more on System 2 or "thinking mindset".  Ever have the uncontrollable urge to interrupt someone mid-sentence?  That is your System 1 doing what it does best, taking action.  Learn to recognize this trigger, hold back your interruption, and redouble your efforts to make sure that you can successfully sum up the other person's main points before jumping into action.  Dr. Markman offers this analogy, "Taking the thinking perspective is the conversational equivalent of the carpenter’s saying, "Measure twice, cut once.”  Slowing down will likely help you avoid missing the other person's intent.  Additionally, your thoughtful listening and measured response will provide a good foundation for listening reciprocation during delivery of your message.

But how can you recognize these habits and curtail them?  One technique involves facial and body gestures.  Generally, these involuntary facial and body expressions are used by observers to distinguish our true feelings from our words, but if you can be in-tune with your own nonverbal cues you have another tool to use towards epathic listening.  According to Joe Navarro, a 25 year veteran of the FBI and author of "What Every Body is Saying", facial gestures like rolling of the eyes, eyelid flutter, pursed lips, or squinting of the eyes is a likely indication of dislike or disagreement.  Another good indicator is tension in your body or hunching of your shoulders.  If you are engaged in a conversation and begin noticing any of these behaviors, then this is a good cue that your System 1 is already making a decision and plotting your automatic response.

You Are a Terrible Listener
http://mondaymover.blogspot.com/2015/02/you-are-terrible-listener.html

How One Simple Change Can Make You a Better Listener
http://www.fastcompany.com/3042330/how-to-be-a-success-at-everything/how-one-simple-change-can-make-you-a-better-listener

Body Language vs. Micro-Expressions
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/spycatcher/201112/body-language-vs-micro-expressions/

Biases, I've Got a Few
http://mondaymover.blogspot.com/2015/01/biases-i-got-few-wysiati-and-action-bias.html

You Are a Terrible Listener

If you are a leader, just knowing the most common active listening tactics is not enough to positively impact how your message is received and later carried out by others.  Of course, some leaders may not be using these methods today, which is likely cause of even greater negative outcomes.  If you want people to better understand you and desire to make stronger interpersonal connections, then there are a few more steps to take to becoming an empathic listener.

Let's first review some simple behaviors for active listening and then build from that foundation to profoundly change your next personal or work conversation.  These are the 3 mostly widely taught active listening behaviors and are good place to start: 

     1.  Watch or listen for nonverbal and verbal cues, like changes in facial expressions and speech intonation patterns.

     2.  Process what others are saying and verbally summarize their points in your own words to show you are listening.

     3.  Use responding behaviors, like head nodding and asking clarifying questions, to help continue the conversation or move it to a deeper level of understanding.

These are only the start.  There are additional concepts you will want to be aware of to move beyond simply being an active listener.  The first two involve introspection (don't forget our previous discussion on introspection and taking a balcony view).  In reading this far, you have already taken the first step:  acknowledging the importance of listening and realizing that you want to change.  Next, you need to understand your personality.  Are you someone who likes to control the conversation and feels like they always have the answer?  Do you like to be the smartest person in the room, always offering that last insight to prove your superiority?  Your challenge in this step is to recognize why you rely and constantly fallback on this behavior.  To grow you will need to work to challenge this habit.

In addition to looking inward, there are a few actions to avoid if you want to improve your empathic listening behaviors.  Amy Jen Su, co-owner of Paravis Partners, an executive training and coaching firm, suggests removing distractions, like e-mail and phones, during conversations, as these barriers send a clear message that what is being said is not important.  According to Su, “We assume being on our iPhone or tablet isn’t a big deal, but when you speak to the people who work for those leaders, it has a really negative impact"  (Stibitz).  Your multi-tasking is not only disrespectful to the speaker, but you run the risk of behavioral reciprocation.  As your actions are mirrored by your receiver, the delivery of your message becomes much less effective.

One final action to avoid is feeling the need to react immediately or emotionally at the first sign of disagreement.  You may also feel like your message is more important than anything the speaker has to say.  These feelings should be your cue that you are not actually listening, but instead are anticipating confrontation.  Interrupting, like multi-tasking, is counterproductive to achieving results.  Instead, resist the urge and practice sitting quietly and patiently.

Putting these ideas about empathic listening into practice will enrich your interactions and transform your leadership and personal relationships.

"Slowing down, engaging with others rather than endlessly debating, taking the time to hear and learn from others, and asking brilliant questions are ultimately the keys to success."  Christine M. Riordan https://hbr.org/2014/01/three-ways-leaders-can-listen-with-more-empathy/

How to Really Listen to Your Employees, Sara Stibitz:

https://hbr.org/2015/01/how-to-really-listen-to-your-employees

Make Your Interactions a Spectator Sport

As we all work through our own self-improvements, we recognize the value of introspection, but have you ever stepped off the field and into the stands to analyze your interactions with others?  It's easy to observe other people's behavior and feel like you have a good understanding why they responded as they did in a given situation.  "Bob must be having a bad day.  He's a real bear this morning." The fact is that the play on the field looks a whole lot different when you look at it from an external perspective.

Sometimes this technique is called "taking a balcony view", and it is used to help you look not through your own eyes as a participant in the situation, but as an external observer who can see their own as well as other's behaviors.  Think about going to the theatre to see a play.  You observe not only the actors, but their costumes, set, and placement on the stage.  It is all of these layers that make up the overall experience and perceptions.

Your challenge this week is to take a balcony view in your next meeting or interaction.  You should pay particular attention to looking not just at others, but try to see yourself on the overall stage.  The key takeaway is to notice how your observations change from your new perspective in the balcony as a patron of the show!

#mondaymover