The answer isn't right under your nose.

Seth Godin wrote a blog, "You don't know Lefsetz?", about knowing published works in your field of expertise.   How can we be experts if we don't study what others are doing?  We put all of our efforts into our own work and miss the importance of knowing the work of our peers.  He calls this "too much doing, not enough knowing."  This applies not only to your field of knowledge, but to seemingly unrelated fields as well.  By limiting your view to only those doing similar work, you just might be missing a break through.

Roboticists have been turning to entomology because nature already has the answer to locomotion and solving complex problems through swarm behavior.  These seemingly unrelated fields have together produced brilliant solutions that would have been missed had people not ventured out from their doing.

We can apply this to our own lives as well.  Tackling a complex problem at work that doesn't seem to have a perfect solution?  Before settling on "good enough", look around to see how others have solved problems.  Look beyond the superficial similarities and scratch the surface to find broader connections.  Search out analogies in areas that would otherwise seem to have little in common with yours.  Stop doing for a few minutes and start getting to know.

Link to Seth Godin's "You don't know Lefsetz?": http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00d83451b31569e201b7c78b2ec0970b

Positive Reinforcement

Remember that you are reinforcing a behavior, not a person.  It's easy to confuse encouragment and positive reinforcement.  We feel the need to encourage people, thinking that encouragment will help them achieve their goal.  "You can do it," we hear the spectators shout as the runners push towards the finish line.  "Good job.  You played your best," says the coach to the young player.  Encouragment feels good to both the giver and the receiver, so it's understandable that it's viewed as a critical element of success.

No one succeeds without a little encouragement, but understanding that behaviors and not people are what should be reinforced will help you achieve your goals faster and with greater success.  This applies especially when we are trying to reinforce our own behaviors.  You must move beyond simple self-encouragement to clearly define the target behavior, create a simple reinforcing action, and consistently pair the two.  Of course, positive self-talk is still motivational, but it will ultimately be positve reinforcement that will ensure increased frequency of your identified behavior and get you closer to achieving your goal.

The lesser of two evils.

The procrastinator's creed:  why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?  Even the most successful people can find it difficult to start particular tasks on their to-do list, but the secret to getting things done lies in the lesser of two evils.  When faced with a task that you have been putting off for one reason or another, quickly imagine an alternate task you that you find even more daunting or have an even greater aversion to starting.  Suddenly you will find the motivation that you were lacking, and you will be on your way to crossing off another item on the to-do list!

You will.

AT&T once ran a series of commercials voiced by Tom Selleck that described the fantastical things we would be able to do thanks to future advancements in technology.  These spots opened by asking, "Have you ever..." and ended with two simple, but powerful words:  you will.  Many, if not most, of these predictions came true, but before anything great can be accomplished someone has to ask the question of "what is to be?"

Success isn't something that just happens.  Successful people envision the future they want and will it to happen.  They don't think about how bleak the future looks, but how bright it will be because of their ideas and actions.  Where most see failure, they see a multitude of possibilities.  This works on grand scales ("How can we build a self-driving car" or "Where do I want to be in 5 years with my professional life?") and on smaller accomplishments ("What will happen if I take on that new project at work?").  

To put this idea into practice for our own life, let's look at a common anxiety inducing fear such as flying to see how our thoughts can affect outcomes.  For people with anxiety disorder, the anxiety often begins way before even boarding the plane, and it's triggered by negative thoughts.  Sufferers tend to think about any number of bad outcomes and become fearful about their own lack of control and inability to manage their anxiety.  The key to overcoming this trigger is to replace the negative thoughts with their positive counterparts.  Instead of thinking about what you will do if you become panicked on the flight, think about all the flights in which you have successfully managed a panic attack.  The power of suggestion is strong.  Just as you can talk yourself into anxiety, you can use your inner voice to help you be successful, too!

You may not be fearful of flying, but you can probably find many examples in your life where negative thoughts about your own abilities filled you with doubt and affected how you managed a situation.  Thomas Edison didn't think about how many failed attempts it was going to take him before finding a successful solution.  He envisioned a future of houses filled with electric light and relentlessly pursued that vision.  Visualize your own successes...see them playing out to wonderful outcomes...and tell yourself, "You will!"

Your attitude towards these two words will save or destroy your relationships

You've probably said "I'm sorry" a lot in your personal and professional lifetime, but were you saying it for your own benefit or because you felt it was owed? The former attitude comes in two types.  In the first "I'm sorry" type, it has become a way of avoiding confrontation.  It's a knee jerk reaction formed from a habitual need to control every situation and diffuse perceived threats to your dominance.  You tell yourself that it's just the kind of self-effacing trait that makes you a great leader.  It doesn't.

The second "I'm sorry" type is the most detrimental to your relationships because it is actually an anti-apology.  Have you ever told someone that you are sorry they feel that way?  Is that an apology?  No, it is instead a way of placing blame.  While you may consciously perceive this as an apology and pat yourself on the back for recognizing someone's feelings, the reality is that you just caused more damage to that relationship than through the initial offense.  To you it feels like an effective way to maintain your own dominance in the conversation, but to the recipient it's a clear indicator that you have not been an empathic listener.

Understanding when to apologize is a skill to be learned.  The art of the apology will create trust and grow deeper and more meaningful relationships at home and at work.  Learning how not to apologize is easy if you just remember the power in those two little words.

"What time is the 3 o'clock parade?": Building Deeper Connections the Disney Way

It's a reasonable response to answer the question you are asked, but in doing just that you are missing a chance to make a deeper connection.  Tom Connellan, in his book Inside the Magic Kingdom: Seven Key's to Disney's Success, tells a story about a Walt Disney World cast member's answer when approached and asked what time the 3 o'clock parade begins.  Without missing a beat, the cast member sincerely responded, "Well, the parade does start on time, and you should get there around 2:30 to get a real good place."  Connellan calls this the "unasked question--what they really wanted to know", and it's a skill that's easy to master with the right, or a "good", attitude.

Connellan recommends adopting a mindset of "believing people are smarter than they sometimes seem, knowing that people sometimes have trouble saying things clearly."  Your first reaction to these guests asking about the parade was probably one of surprise, setting your System 1 thinking in motion and at the ready with a logical and fast response of, "Why 3 o'clock, of course."  Recognizing this bias towards action will help you implement Connellan's prescribed attititude change for the better.  With only a little practice to slow down and engage your brain's System 2, you are ready for the final piece of the puzzle: seeking to give value.

Putting System 1 in check only represents the first step in moving your connections beyond shallow and robotic responses.  Taking another look at Connellan's example, the Disney cast member (this is how Disney refers to its employees) first acknowledges the question and turns it into a positive statement:  "the parade does start on time".  This serves two purposes.  First, the cast member shows good listening skills by restating the question; and second, it sets an expectation that events at the park are mindful to start as promised.  

Having now created a positive experience in this initial interaction with the guest, the cast member uses his "good attitude" bias to springboard, paired with experience and insight, and move past merely answering the question.  This leaves the guest with not only the information that was most valuable to them (i.e., getting to the parade on time), but with a sense that the Disney cast member truly understands their needs, even when they are not explicitly articulated.  Walt Disney often referred to "plussing" when pushing Imagineers towards further improvement of their ideas.  That attitude delights Walt Disney World guests still today and is one that will help you improve your own relationships as you plus your approach towards interactions.